She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
