What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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