i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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