I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
