Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
