Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Mom said you looked used
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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