just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We were destined to go to rehab together
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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