Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
