Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
