At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
