I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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