evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
