I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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