In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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