pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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