My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
