if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
