Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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