1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
