Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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