i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
