I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
