Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
