apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
