Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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