ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
