I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
