Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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