This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
