never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
