I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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