so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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