Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
