Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
