I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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