so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
