Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
