Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I am morally bankrupt
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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