I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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