false alarm. still invincible.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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