I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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