Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
