I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
