She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize