last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My ass is underappreciated
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
