a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
