i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
