I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
