bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
there is puke in my bra ... again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
