I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
