i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
