Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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