the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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