If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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