dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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