i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
