I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
