Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
