can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She announced her abortion via fbk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
