He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
