If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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