I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
