U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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