Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
