the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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