R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
