You just made me feel so damn special
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
