Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
