I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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