I wish my penis had an off switch
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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