Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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