I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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