...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
