Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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