This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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