I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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