i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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