I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
