After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Success! We fucked roommates!
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