he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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