he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
