ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
